Sometimes getting away is the best that can happen in your life, sometimes it just reminds you of a past you no longer wish to associate yourself with.
I went to London over the weekend, and had a great meeting with someone who I so admire, and basically had a good start, to what I thought would be a great weekend.
Unfortunately it didn't turn out that way.
For a period of time I've had someone in my life whose company I've really enjoyed, and I've had a great deal of respect for. Also, this person has taught me some valuable lessons in life, I thought were very useful to me - it turned out it was all bullshit!
I hate, and I cannot stress the word HATE more than I already do, being played for a fool. I hate when my love for people, or admiration, or respect, or what other positive feelings I can put on people, will turn around, and instead of feeling the above feelings, make me question lack of the same.
Besides being really hurt, pissed off and sad, I sat at a dinner table friday night, with some very prominent guests, and thought to myself, this is not me anymore. I hate being a phoney, and coming across as slightly fake, and that's how I felt friday night, and whilst feeling how I did, I thought to myself - this was me 4 years ago, and I have no intention, whatsoever, to ever be that person again. I simply refuse to live up to that illusion some people might have of me.
I guess, when you're young, stupid and confused, you lean against what might feel most comfortable in life, and don't confuse comfortable with what feels right, because those two feelings are quite similar, yet so different. And for a period of time, I've done what seemed comfortable, instead of doing what's right. And finally I'm in a place I hope to stay for the rest of my life, when it comes to what and with whom I surround myself with.
So on top of having an extremely wierd weekend, only saved by, let me call him "the-dude-who'll-always-grab-bambi", I've been reminded of someone I used to be, and someone I hope never again to see. Which is why, I hope I will not ever experience what I've experienced these last couple of days, and always, ALWAYS be true to my own self. Because, as Diane von Furstenberg has said "the most important relationship you have in life, is the relationship you have with yourself"
So, you live and you learn, right?
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